White whale

I need to finish it. It has become a white whale. If you don't read books, you are not getting the reference. 

But I just need some time to heal, to focus on myself. To get my mental and physical health back in check, so I don't ruin everything. Again. 

Yeah. 

I know if I try to push through this wall, it is gonna be me that breaks and not the wall, because I've been there a few times before, and each time it happened I ended up developing some kind of problem. 

Holy crap. I am not doing that well. 

But I will.